A raw draft
Hot off the pain that summoned it.
It's painful to hate you so much. I ache in empty parts of me that have no business aching. And you stand there, as if you can't hear the howling coming from the depths of my being, and you can't see the gaps you've left in everything I used to be. Don't you dare watch me cry. I won't beg you to put me back together. You had no right to leave me in pieces. So I'll sit and eat my sandwich. And try not to vomit. Because somehow I have to go on living. Somehow I can hate you this much and not die. No, don't come over and talk to me. I can't eat now and I'm hungry. Don't apologise for ignoring me. Don't tell me you've missed me. I hate you, why would you miss me? Let my tie up my hair while you talk, Put my curls into order, control something, anything. Don't catch my eye. No, you don't deserve to see into my emptiness. What's up, how have you been? Nothing, you know, same. I would give my liver for a damn sentence. For my jaw to release. For the empty holes in my entire being to expand and suck me into nothing. I hate you. But I can't take my eyes off you. And you stand just slightly too close. And you breathe just slightly too deep. And you don't hold it, but sigh deeply. Because even though I hate the you standing there and everything you've done Somewhere our souls recognise each other. And our bodies are helpless to resist. But I will resist, it hurts but I will fight. I'm always fighting. I want to rest. Just let me rest my head here, just on your chest, just there where your breath breathes and your soul ignitess. Let me stay here. Let me take my fill of this. Then go. Leave me alone. Let me hate you with everything I have left.
This is unedited and unfiltered, just putting out the raw version to come back to try a different copy later. Maybe it won’t change. I suspect there will be things that do.
Let me know if you’re interested in this format, or if we’re only looking for the polished versions here. Thanks ~ Diggy x